I'll Carry You Home Tonight
by Alexwarrior
Summary: My take on the breakdown in 4x09; oneshot


A/N: My take on 4x09 Kill shot starting with Beckett's breakdown in the hallway. Also, in order for things to work, Beckett left her car unlocked when they arrived at the scene of the crime.

"Kate! Kate!" he calls. All he saw was her taking off.

Then he hears the heart wrenching sob coming from behind a door with an Employees Only sign, and he almost lets out a sob of his own.

Rushing to the door he knocks on it twice before saying, "Kate, I'm coming in."

He pushes the door hesitantly, surprised to find it unlocked.

Turning down the first corner, he sees her. She's sitting with her back pressed against the wall and her shoulders hunched over. Her knees are pulled tight to her chest, and her long tresses cover her face. Her arms rest numbly at her side, and her entire body shakes with each, panicked inhale. His strong, untouchable detective was falling apart.

"Kate." He slowly approaches her. He leans his back against the wall next to her, before sliding down to the floor pressing his left side against her right side. Cautiously he slides his hand on top of hers, knowing now is not the time to push their boundaries.

The skin-to-skin contact though catches her attention. Her breathe catches and she lifts her head. Her eyes are clouded with darkness and her eye makeup is running down her cheeks like ebony blood.

"C-c-castle?" she whispers.

"Hey Kate, I'm here for you" he whispers back and intertwines his fingers with hers.

She sighs and turns herself to collapse into him, her body resuming its sobs. Castle switches the hand he is using to hold hers, and puts the now free hand around her shoulder to pull her closer.

They sit together for a while, as she cries. His shoulder is wet from where her head was resting. Eventually though the tears stop, the shakes subside, and finally her breathing evens out.

He gently kisses the side of her head, her hair soft on his lips.

"Kate, are you ready?"

She can't help but think ready for what? To get up? To let go of the case? For them?

She nods though, still not sure if she can speak.

Castle stands up first, and then he offers both his hands to help her up. His hand wraps around her waist to support her, but even with that she sways with her first step, accidentally letting out a small whimper as the room spins around her.

"Whoa, Kate. Here, I got you." He pulls her arm around his neck and kneels so he can get one of his arms under her knees, his other still around her waist. With a gentle motion he lifts her up.

She turns her head into his shoulder, and clutches at the front of his jacket with the hand not around his neck. Closing her eyes, she tries to fight off her sudden lightheadedness.

Walking out of the room, the two are almost immediately seen by Esposito and Ryan. Castle quickly puts out one finger signaling to give him a moment. The two back off, but the reluctance and worry are obvious in their eyes.

He carries her out to her car and helps her settle into the passenger seat. Then he returns into the building where the anxious Ryan and Esposito wait for him.

"Man, is she ok?" asks Ryan.

"She's…she's not ok, but she's good for now. But she's off the case. I'm gonna take her home so could you guys relay what happened to Gates?"

"Yeah we got you two covered, and don't worry, we'll downplay the breakdown part." Esposito answers.

"Thanks guys." He heads back to the hallway he found Beckett in to get her gun, badge, coat, and keys.

Returning to Beckett's car, the duo drives back in silence. Beckett sits in an exhausted haze. Now that she's cried out everything she feels empty, and as much as she hates to admit it, it feels better than the panic and grief and anger that had been building in her since she was shot. The emptiness is a lull, and it feels nice.

When they arrive at Beckett's house Kate has recovered enough that she can walk with minimal support from Castle.

Once inside the apartment Kate heads straight to her room and flops belly first on her bed. Castle follows a few minutes later after setting down the things she discarded as well as his own jacket.

"Beckett, where are your pajamas?"

Beckett only groans in response.

"Kate." This time it's not a question, and she lifts her head off the bed.

"They're on the chair," and she points to the far corner of her room, before flopping back down.

A second later her pajamas hit her in the back of the head.

"Meanie."

After throwing the clothes at Beckett, Castle steps out, stripping down to his boxers. In her room, Beckett begrudgingly gets changed.

Castle comes back in to Beckett's bedroom a few minutes later, along with a wet washcloth he found in a closet. He's happy to see that Beckett is at least sitting up on her bed now.

"Here let me wash your face," Castle says, sitting across from her on the bed.

He gently holds her face with one hand while the other works to wipe away Beckett's smeared makeup. Beckett is absolutely stunned by the intimacy of it. His hand is so soft and gentle on her and his face is only a few inches away. She's stunned to experience something so beautiful after feeling so terrible for so long. She closes her eyes when he goes for what's left of her eye makeup, and she feels so completely enveloped by his touch and love.

When he's done he surprises her again because after hanging up the washcloth in her bathroom he returns with her hairbrush. She turns for him, and he sits behind her. Suddenly the face washing was as intimate as shaking hands. This was different. The last time someone brushed her hair, she must've been ten, and it was her mother. Every stroke of the brush made her love him even more. He cared so much, she couldn't believe she had denied him for so long.

His fingers are now running through her hair, parting it how she does, and tucking the front strands behind her ear. She grabs his hand, kissing it gently.

"Rick, let's go to sleep." She takes the brush from him, and gets up to put it away and turn off the lights.

When she comes back Castle already has the sheets pulled back for her. She slides in nestling into him. One of his arms is under her head, and her fingers laced together with his. The other rests on her stomach, tracing small circles.

After a few minutes though, Kate turns over and rolls Castle on to his back. Then she slides to lay on top of him. Her head rests on his broad chest, and her legs tangle with his. She sighs, and goes to sleep a small smile ghosting across her lips. Castle wraps his arms around her before matching her soft smile, content to just hold her for now.


End file.
